What do I do about the Christmas tree?

Published 2:34 pm Thursday, December 7, 2023

A friend of mine recently shared about her teenage boys and husband not wanting to decorate the Christmas tree this year. Her frustration was evident, and her conundrum reminded me of the year my husband and sons mutinied about decorating the tree and the lesson I learned.

Years ago, when my two sons were teenagers, I had arranged for a local nursery to deliver and set up a fresh Christmas tree for our living room. The 10-foot-tall ceilings would barely accommodate the beautiful, full, and fragrant tree. I was so excited about decorating it the coming Saturday and about all the presents it would canopy during the holiday season. The challenging work was done, now it would be the fun time of adding the hundreds of ornaments, lights and garland I had collected over the years. Of course, there would be hot chocolate in Christmas mugs and the music of the season to guide us along the tree decorating experience.

To my surprise, my husband and both boys declared they didn’t want to decorate the tree this year. There were ballgames and other activities on Saturday that they wanted to do instead of the tree decorating tradition on the first Saturday in December. I was speechless! They graciously – a little sarcasm here – told me I could do it this year. My traditional world crumbled, and I responded the way I often do when major change comes, with perplexity and confusion.

I spent the next several days trying to figure out the next step. I knew I couldn’t “decorate as usual” and pretend nothing had changed. The family tradition had become “a job” for me to do. Being the only girl in the household, I had shied away from the frilly, designer trees that were being presented in all the magazines. Was this my opportunity to do something different? Yes, it was!

I began to shop for pink, silk poinsettias, pearl garland and organdy ribbon for the hundreds of bows I planned to make for the latest look. There would be silver and pink, shiny ornaments – not those handmade kindergarten relics of the past. I even made a new tree skirt of pink felt overlaid with lace and bordered with more lace. It was going to be a creative masterpiece!

Saturday came and I was ready for the task before me. I issued one last invitation to my husband and sons to help decorated the tree and it was declined as the game of the day was about to start. As I stood before the tree a wave of loneliness washed over me. I smiled and a wave of creativity overtook the loneliness, and a new tree was about to be born! The result was spectacular! I’m sure Martha Stewart or Southern Living would have broken down my door for a glimpse if only they had known!

I had taken a disappointing situation of change and made it into a fresh, new experience. Instead of harboring resentment, nagging my way into what I wanted and making life miserable for my husband and sons, I had given them the first gift of the season – the freedom to do what they wanted to do. In return, I received the freedom and inspiration to do something totally creative and new. I was thankful God had given me the grace to respond with love and freedom. He had once again opened my eyes to the truth that people are more important than things. My relationship with my husband and sons was much more valuable than a tradition.

When the game ended that day, the guys emerged from the den to say “Hello” and to see the tree. They gasped when they saw the untraditional, decidedly feminine ten-foot creation. They were shocked. The traditional tree had meant more to them than I thought.

There was not much conservation about the tree among the four of us that year, but every visitor to the house was amazed and took pictures. The next year the guys approached me about decorating the tree. We set up a mutually beneficial time to decorate. We returned to the traditional tree with all the memories, kindergarten ornaments and life-saver garland. There was once again Christmas music, hot chocolate in seasonal mugs and a family decorating the tree. The pink poinsettias and pearl garland were never to be seen again.

Romans 12:18 NKJV, says this, “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” The NLT makes it even clearer. “Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.” We can choose to demand our way, or we can choose to walk in love this Christmas.

The peace that comes from walking in love far exceeds the joy of having it our way. Our way is temporal but peace with those we live, work, and play with is eternal. On December 26, the calendar will indicate that Christmas is over for this year but our relationship with family and friends continues. Make the love choice in your relationships and peace and joy will follow.