Only correct the wise

Published 8:48 am Friday, October 13, 2023

Have you ever wanted to give advice or correction to someone about their work, their marriage, their children, their finances or perhaps their character? An even more crucial question is “did you do it?” and as Dr. Phil would say, “How did that work out for you?”

I hope you are laughing right now because we have all walked down that slippery slope of good intentions! Giving unrequested advice and having to deal with the repercussions is a lifestyle for most of us. There is a drive within all of us to share our opinion or solution with someone who is struggling in an area where we have “self-perceived expertise.”

One of my favorite advice-giving stories happened in a church I attended. The pastor had one of those haircuts where the part was about two inches above the left ear, and his hair had grown long enough to be combed completely, yet thinly over the balding area on the top of his head. He was a tall man so I supposed he thought no one could see the bald spot since it was covered with long hair. When the wind blew, he would palm the top of his head and press down to keep the long hair from flying up, revealing the onion smooth top of his head. Although I was fully aware and amused by this choice of hairstyle, I was not about to give advice on an alternate style. However, there was a rather wealthy member of the church who was dying to give advice and correct the situation.

“Don’t do it” his wife told him, but it became the only thing he could think of during the church services. One day he approached the pastor and offered to buy him a toupee. The pastor reply, “What do you mean brother? Why would I want a toupee?” Although, full blown denial was driving the conversation, the church member pursued the logic of a nice toupee and a new hairstyle with a part at the correct location on the pastor’s head. I think if they had not been in the church, a fistfight would have developed as both men were offended and certain they were right! The wealthy church member was “just trying to help,” and the pastor didn’t want help and was completely happy with his hairstyle. He was amazed that anyone would think a change was needed.

Many friends have been separated because of advice that contradicted what the friend wanted to hear. Many arguments and fights have started because of the clash of opinions. Yet, we still share expecting a different outcome from our well-intentioned advice.

Some astounding concepts that will bring relief to this conundrum can be found in Proverbs 9:7-9 NLT, “If you try to correct an arrogant cynic, expect an angry insult in return. and if you try to confront an evil man, don’t be surprised if all you get is a slap in the face! So, don’t even bother to correct a mocker, for he’ll only hate you for it. But go ahead and correct the wise; for they’ll love you even more. Teach a wise man what is right, and he’ll grow even more wiser. Instruct the lovers of God and they’ll learn even more.”

We need to seriously consider whether our advice is needed and whether it will be received. We can’t step into another person’s life and expect a good outcome when our doing so is motivated by pride. Humility, love, and relationship procures us a voice into another’s life. It’s not a right but a privilege.

Even a clever idea must be sewn into a wise heart. We must realize that not everyone wants change. Sometimes it looks like a person wants a lifestyle change, but what they really want is temporary relief. Only God can give us the wisdom to discern the difference, keep quiet and pray.

Because a person is talking about a problem they have, doesn’t mean they are asking you for the answer. Only correct the wise and your life will be so much more peaceful!