When your marriage is in a bad place

Published 8:57 am Thursday, July 31, 2025

When my marriage isn’t in a good place, I find it hard – even painful – to read How-to-Have-a-Better-Marriage articles. They highlight the areas my husband, Bert, and I fail in. If you’re in this place, I understand.

But if you’re desperate enough to read just one more article – from a fellow struggler – then please hear me out.

Remember when you and your spouse proudly described each other as your “better half?” Lately, however, has he or she felt more like your worst enemy?

We wonder, “How did this happen?” “When did things begin to head so far south?” “Did I marry the wrong person?”

Whenever Bert and I put our own needs ahead of each other’s, we allow wickedness to override goodness. We become easily offended and critical. We refuse to forgive each other and allow ungodly behaviors to dwell in our home and pervade our marriage. We allow thoughts of separation – even divorce – to creep into our conversations.

I wonder how our disagreements look from God’s perspective, how our squabbles sound in His ears, and how our hearts appear in light of His pierced hands.

Romans 12:21 (AMPC) says, “Do not let yourself be overcome by evil, but overcome (master) evil with good.”

What if we determined not to let evil defeat our marriage? (Emphasizing the word “let.”) What would happen if we chose to conquer the bad stuff in our marriage with honorable (Christ-like) behavior? What if we each did our best to regain the closeness we once had with our spouse?

We have a choice. We can ask God to help us build up our marriage, or we can choose to tear it down, one selfish act or remark at a time.

Are we willing to do what it takes to have the relationship we crave?

We can start now, beginning with the biggest eyesore in our relationship: selfishness. Whom will we put first today – ourselves or our spouse? Will we be the one to step up to forgive? Or is it always our spouse’s turn? Rather than snapping at each other, will we take the time to listen? Instead of allowing resentment to take over, we can ask God to help us remain patient and gracious instead of always feeling annoyed and irritated.

The sooner we stop letting our sinful behavior poison our marriage, the sooner we’ll stop seeing our spouse as our enemy. And the sooner we’ll brag, once again, about our better half.

Sheryl H. Boldt is a faith columnist and the author of the blog www.TodayCanBeDifferent.net. You can reach her at SherylHBoldt@gmail.com.