I have friends and family on both sides of many issues. Each side feels strongly about their own perspective. Most of us want to defend or at least explain what we believe is right or true. I have found out over many years of trying to “prove” something or even “debate” some of those issues that it has done nothing but create misunderstanding, hard feelings and relational damage that can take much time and effort to try to repair. I think the church has modeled and encouraged some of this behavior as can be seen by the many different expressions of the church, that many times has been a split from another part of the church that used to be together as one fellowship. I don’t think that is what the Lord intended. His prayer for unity (“that they may be one as We are one”) confirms how much He desires us to walk and work together, loving and honoring one another.

Most of these issues are personal persuasions that we may feel strongly about and think we could defend our view fairly well! I don’t think most of them are worth losing a relationship over. I can remember several instances clear back in my college days (1960’s) that I thought I had to defend. While interviewing for a potential job with a Christian organization, there was one doctrinal issue where the organization took a very strong stand directly opposite from what I had come to believe. After some minutes of discussion, we decided that issue was a no compromise issue and I was not hired for the job. That was the best decision for both of us – we agreed that we disagreed and honored one another’s different views. The second situation that came to mind was also a doctrinal issue – but, it was with my parents! I thought they were in error (and probably in my youthful zeal and pride let them know it) but over a six month period of time I realized they were changing and becoming more Christ like with many tangible, positive things taking place in their lives. I began to ask the Lord to help me lay down my pride and be willing to change. The Lord opened my understanding of the scriptures in a whole different way than I had been taught originally. I had accepted what I had been taught (as do many young believers, trusting in their teachers and what they believe). As I enquired of the Lord, sought Him for the truth and in reality began to hunger for what I was seeing in their lives, He opened my eyes and ears to hear the truth and I received an understanding and impartation that has not only sustained me for over 50 years, but has opened up the Word and my Christian experience in ways I never would have imagined possible had I refused to humble myself.

What prompted this article is the fact that many of us may find ourselves in this holiday season with family and/or friends who see and believe things very differently than we do. We can do one of two things. We can hang on and defend our beliefs or stances during our gathering times – creating an atmosphere of animosity or tension, or we can choose the way of humility by – keeping our mouths shut, refusing to defend our strongly held opinions and beliefs. I have found if I inadvertently say or do something that has the potential of creating a conflict, I can change the subject or even if necessary ask for forgiveness. We all want peace to manifest in our homes and there are some things we can do to help create that kind of atmosphere.

I believe it is the responsibility of the ones who know more about this whole relational dynamic to help keep the peaceful atmosphere. Some people seem to purposefully stir up controversy and create conflict and drama. There are ways to disarm people who come in with those negative atmospheres. I saw this post on Facebook recently – “You will never look into the eyes of someone God does not love.” If we can remember that when we are with a person or persons that are not very loveable, we can ask the Lord to show us something about that individual that He loves. He made them and they are uniquely designed by Him to fulfill a particular destiny, but there is a very good chance they don’t know that. Some of those negative qualities they are manifesting are usually indications of a gift or strength they have that is not being used the way God designed it to function in and through their lives. Finding a way to encourage them or complement them may be a challenge, but could be the very things that disarms what our enemy (satan) meant for evil. Here is a quote I just heard this week: “Smiling is the most basic peace work.” We can all do that simple act of love.

This is a very difficult time of year for many people. Depression, hopelessness and discouragement cause people to do or say things that they might not consider in other seasons of the year. Those of us that have either overcome in this area or have never been tormented with these serious attacks on their emotions may have a harder time related to those who are more vulnerable but we must become more sensitive to the struggles of those who do. Including someone like this in a loving atmosphere may be the very thing that gets them through this season. The last thing they need is other people telling them “you need to,” “you ought to,” “you should.” Just include them – in meals, in games or other wholesome activities. Make them feel included, loved and accepted – just the way that they are. That is the way Jesus feels about them!

I really want my home and the atmosphere I carry with me everywhere I go to reflect His love, joy and peace. I don’t want the “Pig Pen” atmosphere to follow me around leaving undesirable fragrances of criticism, judgments and things that produce the opposite effect that love, joy and peace create. Can we ask the Lord to help us to see one another like He sees them? I think that will help us to enjoy our gathering this holiday season better than we can imagine!