That time I looked like the Devil

Published 8:47 am Friday, October 20, 2023

Many new readers of the Times-Enterprise don’t know about the ‘Rant & Rave.’ However, all of us seasoned veterans of perusing these pages remember it all too well — especially me.

For those not in the know, not too many years ago this newspaper indeed featured a thing called the ‘Rant & Rave’, where people could call in or write their thoughts on just about anything or anyone — and it would get printed. I actually used to refer to it as “The Jerry Springer Show Section” of the newspaper, because you literally never knew what you were going to see.

I’m not really sure why, but it seemed like yours truly was mentioned in there almost every day. I’m not kidding. In fact, my being included in it became so frequent some people started calling that section of the paper the ‘Randy & Rave’.

It was absolutely mind-blowing all of the stuff that was said. I was called everything from an out and out racist (about as opposite of me as possible) to a blathering idiot (so ok, that’s arguable) to a complete and utter waste of oxygen. Every one of those and many, many more were printed. One of them as an example: “To the people who defend Randy Young’s opinions: you’re stupider than he is.” Heck, there were even things printed in there about my mother (seriously).

As the years peel away for us human beings, we of course naturally change in appearance. Given that inevitable fact, I’ve changed the picture that accompanies my words here several times over the last 25 or so years. Once it became time for the newspaper to change the photograph, so I got a friend to take the pic for me, I sent it in, and the old one was switched out.

No big deal, right? Wrong, at least to the rant & ravers.

You’d think that something like switching out somebody’s photograph that accompanies their weekly newspaper work would be mundane enough, but clearly not, as someone took issue with the photo and, yes, decided to vent about it in the Rant & Rave. Seriously.

The following was submitted and printed:

“With his new picture Randy Young looks like the devil.”

I’m 100% serious. Some things you just can’t make up.

Friends have joked about me looking like a lot of things over my now 60 years on this poor planet, many of which have referred to the north end of a south bound mule, but this was a first. In fact, I do believe it is the only existing case of anyone’s face that I know actually being compared to that of Beelzebub/Lucifer/etc. himself.

Well, as things would turn out, the very day that particular rant was printed I didn’t see the newspaper, so I was oblivious to the comparison of my visage to the landlord of Hell. However, someone who wasn’t oblivious to it was one Frank Delaney, Jr., otherwise better known as ‘Poppa D’ in Thomas County, who was at the time principal of Thomas County Central. I was in my first period class when his distinctive voice boomed over the classroom intercom:

“Rambo, get somebody to sit with your class and come to my office please.” (he’s always called me Rambo, which I can only assume is in reference to my physique).

Now, it’s one thing for a student to get called to the office, but it is quite another for a teacher to get summoned, especially at the very beginning of a school day. Befuddled, I found a teacher to sit with my class (you can’t just get up and walk out and leave 25+ teenagers alone), headed up to the front of the school to Mr. Delaney’s office, opened the door and entered.

“Take a seat right there,” he said, pointing to a chair directly in front of his desk. Confused and concerned, I immediately acquiesced, sat, and quizzically asked what was going on.

“Rambo, have you seen today’s newspaper?” he inquired, and I responded I had not. “Well, there’s someone in there who says that you look like the devil.”

A little stunned, I tried to explain that I had no control over what the newspaper printed in that cursed Rant & Rave and apologized if it had created any grief for him or the school.

“No sir, it’s nothing like that,” he replied. “Rambo, I called you up here this morning to help put your mind at ease, because whomever it was that called that into the newspaper clearly has no knowledge of the Bible, and therefore cannot have any real knowledge about the Devil.”

Even more confused than I was before, I kind of cocked my head quizzically as I listened to the explanation.

“See Rambo, the reason I know that whoever it was who said that doesn’t know the word or the devil is simple: it plainly says in the Bible that the devil will come back as the most beautiful amongst us, and that clearly ain’t you.”

For one moment, I was totally speechless. When it hit me what he was saying, I didn’t know whether to hit him or hug him.

I guess it’s always nice to have a friend have your back, especially when they’ve got scripture on their side — and, like it or not, their sage words are 100% accurate.