I think there are people who must have Ph.Ds in being obnoxious. They are impacted with “obnoxity.” And don’t tell me that’s not a word. If you can pronounce it, and if you get my drift, then it’s a word.

I have observed that some of the most obnoxious people can be seen in restaurants.

Back when restaurants had smoking sections, my wife and I made the mistake of sitting in one of those areas to avoid a long wait. 

A crotchety couple sitting near us were both smoking. They would actually take bites of food and then take a puff from their cigarettes in between. And while filling their lungs with carcinogens, they were giving a cute little waitress a very hard time. 

They complained about their food very loudly and harassed the young waitress to the point of tears. My guess is they wanted their food for free.

When she stopped by our table, I told her if she would pour the pitcher of tea in the guy’s lap that I would swear in court he knocked it out of her hand. She chuckled and seemed pleased that someone knew she was doing her best. If she had done what I suggested, she would have received a standing ovation.

And of course there’s often that very loud person who wants everyone to know about his gall bladder surgery.

There was one instance down on the coast where a restaurant personnel didn’t think things through. We were seated, and then she wrapped a birthday party of about 16 people around us in a horseshoe fashion. I actually passed a gift to another table. There was plenty of room elsewhere to have housed this rowdy crew but they insisted otherwise. The only saving grace was that the food was good. And we were even offered some birthday cake because of our proximity. So I guess their obnoxiousness was minimized.

At a fast-food restaurant in Jacksonville, Fla., I walked up to the counter to order, and I was quickly reprimanded by a very large woman who told me very loudly that I was not in line. I looked over the scene and explained to her that there were two cash registers, and I was starting a new line behind the other one. She got really huffy. Because she was much larger and I had just received a major medical procedure, I acquiesced. It’s not often I get to use that word. Anyway, when I did get up to place my order, the young lady behind the counter apologized to me for the other customer’s behavior. I told her no need to apologize … that some people just don’t need to be out in public.

Given this opportunity, I want to offer a suggestion to restaurants that have buffets. It would be a logistical advantage if there was a sign on one end of the buffet that says “start here.” One might assume that the starting place would be where the plates are located, but in some restaurants, plates for the buffet are given to you away from the food trough. And the problem is that some people start at one end and some start at the other. They meet at the mashed potatoes and create confusion. 

Here’s another tip: If you bring small children into a restaurant, don’t let them wander all over the place bothering other people. That’s only cute to you.

In one coastal restaurant I used to frequent, there was a sign that said, “Unruly children will be used for bait.” The restaurant was known for its great food, not its subtleness.

So I wonder what would have been the reactions of customers back in the old days if instead of smoking and non-smoking, eating areas were tagged carcinogen and non-carcinogen?

Email: dwain.walden@gaflnews.com