One of the online groups I have been meeting with for a few years was discussing the topic of how we greet one another this week. Some interesting insights came out of our discussion that I would like to share.

Most people in the USA that I know or have interacted with over the years greet one another with a simple phrase “How are you?” I would usually say “I am fine, thank you.” Or “I’m good!” All kinds of negative things could be going on but most of us, me included, would always answer this way. Nobody, generally speaking, was interested in hearing about my life, but was just being polite by acknowledging me in passing. Most of us when we are out where someone may greet us, are on our way somewhere and don’t usually have time to stop and have a more in-depth conversation. If we did, would it be someone who would be interested in knowing what was really going on in my life? Would it be someone I would be comfortable sharing details of my current life circumstances?

Several years ago I became aware that one of my friends always answered that question differently than most everyone else. She would always respond to “How are you?” and say “I am blessed.” At first, I thought that was a little “religious” but when I stopped to think about it, it was the absolute truth, no matter what was currently going on in my life. The word “blessed” generally means “to receive God’s favor, protection, and goodness, or to be filled with happiness and contentment, often attributed to divine grace…to be favored by God and experiencing grace and blessings.” (Google) Most of the time I now answer that question with the same answer. It is automatic and sometimes I add “I am blessed and highly favored.” It is my confession of faith as well as the truth according to the Word of God. I would say that a larger portion of the time that I answer like that, I get a response and an acknowledgment that lets me know they heard what I said. Sometimes a conversation has been initiated as a result of that positive response to their common greeting.

In some places people say “Good day” so they are speaking a positive statement about the person they are addressing. I like that too and would respond “And a good day to you as well.” I am sure there are many more expressions throughout the world that acknowledge another person when you pass them. I personally think interacting with others is healthy and natural.

In a time where so many people are focused on their phones even as they are walking from one place to the other or are in a checkout line at the store, it would be easy to totally disengage from other people. It is especially true in the USA but I also saw disengagement in other countries I visited though not to the extent it is here. I am grateful for my phone and the ability to not only communicate with my friends and family (all over the world) but with the internet we can find out about almost anything in a matter of seconds or minutes. But I like what some families and friends do. When it is time for a meal (at home or out in public) the phones are turned face down, silenced, or even put in another room. I realize there are exceptions where we need to stay connected to a particular person or situation, but the reality is we do not make this the exception but rather allow that device to dictate where our focus is. I have certainly been guilty.

A friend of mine was telling me about a book a friend of hers wrote recently on identity. She addresses the very question we have been discussing. “So, when asked, ‘How are you?’ Your response is the I AM word of the week.” (she has 52 – one for each week of the year).  She uses the alphabet and begins with a positive word beginning with the letter A. So, for instance, when someone asks “How are you?” you could respond “I am Awesome! Or I am Amazing.” Do that for a whole week and just maybe you will begin to believe that is the truth! In the book overview, it states: “Discover your identity through the power of words. Stir up your hidden potential. Just as God framed the world with His words, you frame your life with your words. You can have what you say, whether positive or negative. . . daily, we say things that describe ourselves, and those words manifest in our lives.” I think she wrote this for her grandchildren but it would be applicable for all of us. (G-MaMa’s Alpha-Mations by Sheila Orr on Amazon)

Many of us might feel like we are bragging about ourselves or are being prideful but for most of us, we really just do not believe what the Word of God says about us. Psalm 139 is a psalm about our identity and you could start right there. “I am fearfully and wonderfully made!” That is describing each one of us. We are each unique, one-of-a-kind, special. If we can’t believe that about ourselves, how can we possibly encourage someone else to be all that God designed them to be?

What about responding to the question “How are you?” with “I am thankful” or “I am thankful for …”? Most of us could fill up a large sheet of paper with things we are (or should be) thankful for. As I have stated in the past, I did a Thankfulness Journal one year and purposely made a new and different entry every single day for the whole year! Needless to say, I gained a much more thankful heart by the time Thanksgiving came around that year! I still have that journal and pick it up every once in a while just to encourage myself.

There are plenty of people to reinforce all the negative things we believe about ourselves. We don’t need any negativity cheerleaders in our lives.

One of the ladies in the group that meets together had a different perspective this week that was interesting and worth pondering. When someone asks her how she is, her first thought is, how are you doing? She is very sensitive to the feelings of others – one of the traits I admire about her. But she learned that from growing up in a very dysfunctional home where no one seemed to care about her or her feelings. They were too needy themselves so she was always put in the role of caregiver and problem solver or else totally ignored.

May I challenge each one of us to ponder and consider how we can best answer this often-asked question “How are you?” If you have never even thought about it or considered some of the alternatives I have mentioned, you might want to take a little time this week to think about your response to this common greeting almost all of us have responded to in one way or another.