Uh. Oh. This column as you read it may never be the same again. I’m not talking about finally figuring out where commas go. That will never change. No, I am talking about my Diversity, Equity and Inclusion initiatives. I am afraid I am going to have to dismantle that sucker. Otherwise, I may find myself on Donald Trump’s naughty list and like the Associated Press, not being invited to White House press conferences or to ride on Air Force One. I can’t bear the thought of that.

In truth, AP, which I suspect loves DEI like a honeybee loves pear trees, got banned not for DEI reasons, but for refusing to refer to the Gulf of Mexico as the Gulf of America. (Why not call it the Gulf of Mexican-American? That seems to work for restaurants. Why not a gulf?)

I may have a bit of a problem of my own for my reluctance to recognize Greenland as Red, White and Blueland as Georgia Cong. Buddy Carter, a pharmacist by trade, has proposed. No more discounts on Tums for my tummy at his drug stores, I’m afraid.

Proponents say diversity, equity and inclusion are about creating an environment where everyone is included, and diversity of thought is appreciated. That’s me. One, my targets are diverse. Two, I am an equal-opportunity offender and, three, I try to include everyone. And as to diversity of thought? No problem. You should have seen my mail after I suggested that Pres. Trump should concentrate on making America good again; that we were already great. By a margin of 5-to-1, readers agreed. But the ones that didn’t took great umbrage at the thought and an abundance of paragraphs to tell me why. Still, all were appreciated. DEI just comes naturally to me.

One benefit of dismantling my DEI initiatives is not having to worry about pronouns anymore. Trying to put commas where they belong is hard enough, but figuring out she/her/hers, he/him/his and they/them/theirs designations had me scratching me/my/mine head. I read that using pronouns bunched together was a way for individuals to declare their gender identities clearly as well as the acceptance of those whose “identities or behaviors don’t fit into a ‘gender-normative’ checkbox.” Hasbro took the easy way out. Their Mr. Potato Head is now just plain old Potato Head. Frankly, I was always a bit suspicious of that gender-normative tuber.

When I went to get a flu shot, I had to fill out the usual forms, asking me my age, medications I might be allergic to, any recent illnesses, who was my insurance carrier and, finally, what sex was I assigned at birth. Hmm. My parents never brought that subject up with me but I have every reason to believe I am a boy. Let’s leave that subject right where it is, shall we/you/I?

Proponents say diversity, equity and inclusion programs were meant to prohibit discrimination. Critics say education, government and business programs which favor participants based on race, gender and sexual orientation are unfair and the same opportunities should be afforded to everyone. With the latter, I happen to agree. Earn your way. Tyler Perry, Elton John, Condoleezza Rice and Colin Powell certainly did.

And why the preponderance of Black basketball players and football players and not whites? They happen to be better. Apply DEI to the NBA and NFL and see how that works out. (“I’m sorry, LeBron, but we are going to have to let you go. We have a white person who is not sure if he or she is a he or she. That will help us achieve our diversity, equity and inclusion goals. I’m sure you understand.”)

I am not the only one saying goodbye to DEI. Add to the list McDonalds, Amazon, Walmart, Ford, John Deere, Brown-Forman (maker of Jack Daniels) and Target, among others. Can they lose business as a result? Possibly. On the other hand, look at Budweiser. They partnered in a program with a transgender influencer and faced such a huge backlash and loss of business, they had to drop the program. And apologize to the Clydesdales.

So, please be patient. Life without DEI isn’t going to be easy for me/I/we. Giving up diverse targets and no longer including zinging everyone equally is going to be a challenge. Fortunately, I don’t think I have to worry about foregoing a diversity of thought. As long as there are wingnuts on both ends of the political spectrum, they/them/theirs will see to that.

You can reach Dick Yarbrough at dick@dickyarbrough.com or at P.O. Box 725373, Atlanta, Georgia 31139.