Swamp People

Published 3:00 pm Wednesday, July 30, 2025

Remember that old TV show about the guys who went out into the swamp, shot alligators, and wrestled them into their boat?

We took our granddaughter to the Okefenokee Swamp last week. And we did none of that.

Every year, we take our granddaughter on a Back-to-School Mystery Trip. She doesn’t know where we’re going until we get there.

This year, we decided to take her to the Okefenokee Swamp. Or as I like to call it, the Okra Frenokra.

I remember going to the swamp several years ago. It hasn’t changed much. Water. Trees. Stifling humidity.

Luckily, the travel curse didn’t strike me on this trip. Maybe the Grim Reaper is just tired of following me around. It is kinda’

boring.

The first day, we decided to take a boat trip through the swamp. Our goal? Seeing a bunch of alligators.

Our granddaughter had never seen an alligator that wasn’t in a cartoon. She was excited.

Unfortunately, alligators are a lot like me. When it’s 100 degrees, they tend to stay indoors in the air conditioning.

A few small ones were swimming around. Apparently, they have not discovered air conditioning yet.

We did see a lot of spiders, and our guide went through the entire history of cypress trees. So that was fun.

I don’t think our granddaughter would agree. As we arrived back at the boat dock, I heard her sigh and say, “Thank God!”

We took a long walk across the boardwalk out into the swamp to see a big mama gator guarding her nest. She was about twelve feet long and had a real nasty attitude that was quite unbecoming of a lady.

We got super close to her from the boardwalk. Our guide said that if we angered her, she could jump onto the boardwalk and eat us.

Thank the Lord they had a high-tech security system. A little rope attached to the boardwalk by two sticks

Safety first.

Next, we rode the train around the swamp. Pretty much the same thing. Our train conductor/guide kept saying, “Oh, look! There’s an alligator! Oops, sorry, that’s just a stick.”

But we did see a bunch of spiders.

The best part of the day was the wildlife show. We got to touch two kinds of turtles, a snake, and a baby alligator that kept staring me down like he wanted to cook me up with some egg noodles and a nice Béchamel sauce.

Best part of the show- it was air-conditioned.

After all that, we went back to the cabin. My lovely wife was on the verge of death. Luckily, a cold shower and a big bowl of ice cream saved her.

The next day, we took a longer boat ride deeper into the swamp. We learned all about cypress trees (again) and enjoyed a detailed history of moss.

Yeah, moss.

Oh, we also saw a couple of alligators around the boat. I think they were just decoys. As soon as you reached down to pet one, their 14-foot daddy would pop up and take your arm off..

“Good job, son. Tonight, we eat like kings.”

The one thing I did learn about the Okra Frenokra was this. It is a beautiful wildlife refuge. And it’s only slightly cooler than the surface of the sun. Barely.

And there’s a lot more spiders.

So, would I go back to the swamp? Sure. Just as soon as I can figure out how to mount a window AC on my body.

I bet that would attract some alligators.