Father’s Day is on Sunday. Let’s hear a hearty ‘ho-hum!’

I’m not being cynical. Just reporting the facts.

I read an article this week that ranked the favorite U.S. holidays. Christmas is #1- well, duh. And Mother’s Day is #2. Care to guess where Father’s Day ranked?

#20. Yeah, dad… twenty. Behind Columbus Day and Earth Day.

Okay, I can understand Earth Day. That’s the day we all pat ourselves on the back and claim how much we’re doing to save the planet. Like eating bugs and only taking one bath a month.

But Columbus Day? Come on folks! He sailed around, having Margarita Night on the Lido deck every night until he hit land. I’ve been on a cruise and we found Cozumel just fine.

I can understand Mother’s Day being number two. Moms are important. They wipe our noses and make us eat our broccoli.

And what do dads do? We ride around on our riding mower until mom puts the kids to bed and then flop down in our recliner and fall asleep a half hour into Murder She Wrote.

Sure, Mother’s Day is much more revered than the day for dad, but how does Cinco de Mayo beat us out? Does anyone actually know what that is other that a day when they have two-for-one specials on tequila shots at the local Mexican restaurant?

We take our moms out to a fancy lunch on Mother’s Day and give them expensive gifts. Like a sack of gold or a new Ferrari.

What do dads get? A card with a $5 gift certificate to Chucky Cheese.

I do believe that mothers deserve more recognition than us dads. I mean, they do all the hard stuff like clean up vomit and resurface the driveway. Maybe we should give them more than just a day.

But dads do stuff, too. Just this week, I changed the light bulb over the stove while my wife was painting the house. I deserve a little credit for that, don’t I?

Even George Washington’s Birthday outranks Father’s Day. And he didn’t even have children! Well, besides all those little kids locked in the basement whittling his new teeth.

Fatherhood encompasses such a diverse spectrum. I think we should have a day for each.

Stepdad Day: a day set aside for the step kids to call you ‘that home wrecker’ and spit in your food.

Deadbeat Dads Day: an apple with a razor blade in it and a court summons.

Dads Who Left Their Families to Marry Their Secretary Day: a cupcake with arsenic in the frosting.

Regular Dads Day: a day set aside for the dads who have been there from the beginning (that was the best part) and who have taken care of your basic needs like food, housing, and the latest iPhone. Those dads don’t need a lot. Maybe a lobster dinner on a private yacht or a vacation to Aruba.

Whatever kind of dad you may have, don’t forget him on Sunday.

Give him a kiss, a new bass boat, and tell him his day is much more important than National House Plant Appreciation Day.

But not as important as Ride Like The Wind Day held in August. Pretty sure the only person who celebrates that holiday is Christopher Cross.

Oh yeah, don’t forget the lobster.