Perhaps you are not familiar with the World Happiness Report that ranks countries on how happy their citizens are. The release of the 13th edition of the annual report this year coincided with March 20, United Nations International Day of Happiness, which probably made a lot of people unhappy because they don’t like anything having to do with the U.N.

Anyway, Finland has been the happiest country on the globe for eight years in a row. Bless their hearts. Frankly, there are not that many people to keep happy in Finland: 5.6 million. Metro Atlanta has twice that many and most are stuck in traffic.

As for the good old U. S. of A., we are relatively miserable. We are 24th on the happy meter. The richest, freest, most powerful country on Earth. And we rank behind Lithuania (16th) and the Czech Republic (20th)? Even Mexico (10th) beats us, which makes me wonder if Mexicans are so all-fired happy, why do they keep trying to wade the Rio Grande to come to the land of doom and gloom?

The report draws on Gallup World Poll data from people in more than 140 countries and looks at six key variables to help explain life evaluations: Gross Domestic Product per capita, social support, healthy life expectancy, freedom, generosity and perceptions of corruption. The top four countries are Finland, Denmark, Iceland and Sweden. Zimbabwe, Malawi, Lebanon, Sierra Leone and Afghanistan are at the bottom.

You will notice that Red, White and Blueland is not listed. They are trying to keep a low profile, hoping we forget they are there lest we annex them and make them as unhappy as we seem to be.

I don’t know about you but nobody from Gallup or the United Nations called me to see if I was happy or not. As if they even care. Besides, it would have depended on when they called. If it was right after the Sugar Bowl when Notre Dame knocked the scholar-athletes from the University of Georgia out of the College Football Championship, I would have dragged our happiness index somewhere south of Zimbabwe.

On the other hand, if they had contacted me after a barbecue sandwich, a glass of sweet tea and an ample helping of banana pudding, we would have been rubbing elbows with the Finlands of the world. As an aside, I am told Finns like to munch on reindeer meat, turnips and cloudberries. Surely, there has to be something else that floats their contentment boat besides their cuisine.

As to why the U.S. dropped like an unhappy rock (we were 20th last year), one expert says the decline “is partly attributable to Americans younger than age 30 feeling worse about their lives. Today’s young people report feeling less supported by friends and family, less free to make life choices and less optimistic about their living standards.” Oh, cry me a river.

If the whiners stayed off social media, thought about somebody other than themselves and spent a couple of months shoveling camel dung in the middle of the Gobi Desert, they might appreciate how good they have it. Then they would feel more optimistic about their living standards and friends and family might be more inclined to support them in their life choices. That would make us all happier. (As usual, I have to think of everything.)

If I were Finland, I wouldn’t be high-fiving just yet about how good you have it. If we can’t be naturally happy in the U.S., Donald Trump might just decide to annex the whole country and import their happiness long with the Aurora Borealis after he gets through absorbing Canada and Red, White and Blueland. There is also the real possibility that Georgia Cong. Buddy Carter will introduce legislation changing Finland to Protruding Appendage Land. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Enjoy your cloudberries while you can.

It is obvious that the Gallup pollsters and the poohbahs at the United Nations didn’t call anybody in the Great State of Georgia to check on how we feel bout things. If they had, we would have told them about our Blue Ridge Mountains, the Golden Isles, Vidalia onions, pecan orchards and apple orchards, peanut farms, world class olive oil and the greatest state song in the history of the world, “Georgia on My Mind,” as sung by Ray Charles Robinson, of Albany, Georgia. Let them have Finland. I am happy to be in Georgia, y’all.

You can reach Dick Yarbrough at dick@dickyarbrough.com or at P.O. Box 725373, Atlanta, Georgia 31139.