Hey, it’s me. Haven’t heard from you in a while, hope you’re doing okay.

Hey, it’s me again, just checking in. Text me back.

Hey, did I do something wrong? I just feel like you’re mad at me. Let me know if you get this.

I guess I must’ve done something; I’m really sorry for whatever it was. I swear if you’ll just text me, we can figure it out.

• message not delivered

I feel like we are in a constant era of what is known as “ghosting,” it’s when one person just silently slips out of your life, without ever saying a word. You don’t know why, you don’t know when, but they just disappear.

When I think about ghosting, I’m often reminded of Eminem’s hit song, “Stan.”

Of course this song is somewhat different, but I feel like Eminem knew a long time ago that not writing back, giving the silent treatment is a much different type of agony.

Stan tells the story of a guy who writes Eminem multiple times, claiming he’s his biggest fan. Stan shares personal details with Eminem, stating he’s got a girlfriend and that he’s about to have a daughter too. He even shares the baby’s name with Eminem.

Stan was disappointed when Eminem refused to sign an autograph for he and his brother Matthew outside of his show, but continues to write to him fervently.

When Eminem still doesn’t respond after two more letters, Stan becomes irate, intentionally driving off a bridge with him and his pregnant girlfriend, sending one last tape to Eminem, expressing he could’ve stopped it, but he just didn’t care.

Eminem gets the tape a little too late, writing back to Stan that he got his letters and included an autograph cap to his brother.

The story and music video accompanying this song was too disturbing for some and once removed from being shown.

However, I think Stan is a song with a more important message than most realize. I don’t think Eminem meant to not write back Stan; he was busy, he was touring the world, but when he had the opportunity to write him back, he took it.

There are people who call themselves your friends that don’t take the opportunity to respond back, even when they have all the time in the world.

They can probably tell from the desperation and plea through your texts that you want to be contacted by them or that you’re worried about them, but they don’t care.

See, Eminem never even met Stan, but was worried about him enough from his letters that he told him to get some counseling, but your own friends who are a part of this “ghosting” generation can’t be bothered to even ask if you are okay.

I don’t agree with pushing your problems on someone else. I don’t think Stan should’ve been this excessive with Eminem. Eminem didn’t have all the answers to Stan’s problems, but Stan needed attention; he needed acknowledgement.

I think we all need acknowledgement sometimes; I think it’s the least we can do to just respond.

A simple I got your text, just been busy would do.

I think we often reach out over texts, letters, calls just in hopes someone picks up. We want to see if we mean enough for that person to stop what they are doing and respond. It’s a form of validation.

Ghosting is in its own way agonizing; it reaffirms your worst fears that you weren’t worth their time or even worth saying goodbye to. You may even question if they even miss your physical presence, much less your voice.

Stan is a reminder that ghosting, not writing back isn’t the answer; it’s a punishment, it’s painful.

If you absolutely have to remove yourself from a friendship, relationship, etc. please tell the person and don’t just go ghost, because sometimes the person on the other end of the line is already in a dark place and only can feel it’s because as if they didn’t matter to you enough.