I’ve heard it said before that newspapers need to stay away from religion. We are supposed to be unbiased and open to all cultures and religions. I try to follow the rules of the newspaper, but I feel like this is something that was meant to be shared, so today I’m breaking the rules. 

Many of you will read the Fields of Faith story on the front page today, and hopefully walk away after reading your paper feeling renewed in your faith. 

Thursday night, I attended Fields of Faith and sat with hundreds of high school students and members of youth groups as I listened to Shep Shepherd speak. 

Initially, I was just trying to stay warm. I mouthed the words to the song and turned on my recorder and sat in my chair. I didn’t want to be a distraction from kids who were there to learn the true meaning of salvation. 

I remember the day I accepted Jesus into my heart and no one deserves to have that moment muddled by some girl just out to take pictures and get a story done. 

As I was listening to Shep speak, I became emotional. 

He shared the lyrics, “He has the whole world in His hands, He has you and me brother, in His hands.” 

This song was a staple growing up in church; everyone knew it. 

Shep said he felt like God had let him slip through His fingertips though. 

Those words hit so deep. 

In high school, I battled depression on and off, but in college it really reared its ugly head. I felt myself falling further and further into a hole I couldn’t get out of. 

I prayed for what seemed like forever, and then when nothing happened, I changed the tune of my prayer. 

Looking back, it seems so dark and so disturbing, but I would genuinely pray that God would take me in the night. 

“God, if you’re listening, I can’t do this anymore. I’m so tired of being this sad, please just take me. If you don’t want to help me fight this fight, then just please take me tonight. I’m begging you.” 

I would wake up the next morning and still be there. 

I would be so angry, so hurt. 

If God loved me so much, why wouldn’t He put me out of this misery? 

I felt as if I had slipped through His fingertips also. 

I was done. I was tired. 

I remember walking by a church that I passed every day, and I thought why not give it one last shot? Maybe God needs to hear me in His house. 

I think back on that day many times, and I honestly believe God led me to that church. I had never attended there before, I knew no one there, so why would I have entered to pray in their sanctuary for no real reason? 

A young woman was there and saw me crying and in distress, she asked if she could pray for me and could she help me get the help I needed. 

I needed real therapy; I needed real help, but I don’t believe I ever would have found it had I not entered the church that day. 

I don’t think God really heard my prayers more in “His House.” I think my mind was meant to believe that, just so I would enter the building and find someone who had the tools I needed to be the person I was meant to be. 

I don’t think it was an accident she was the woman on call that day. 

It is all part of a plan. 

I know we are all fighting something, and I know many of us have felt that we have slipped through His fingertips, but I’ve also heard it said God gives the toughest battles to His strongest soldiers. 

He is never far away, and He will find you in your darkest hour. 

I pray this holiday season, if you feel that you are unloved or unwanted that you are reminded God has you in His hands and that there are no clouds too gray for Him to not shine through. 

Jill Holloway is the Managing Editor and can be reached at jill.holloway@gaflnews.com