Those of you that are old enough to remember the popular song by Simon and Garfunkel, “The Sound of Silence,” which begins, “Hello Darkness My Old Friend,” will identify with me. For some strange reason that tune and then some of the lyrics began to spin around in my head a few weeks ago. I Googled the song to see if there was something profound that I should receive from it.  

I am sure that many people have gotten other messages from those words, but one of the things that struck me was how timely they still are. 

Many people in countries that have electricity have areas of their community that are lit by either neon lights or other means to draw your attention to whatever they are advertising. It could be a local bar but it could also be a church (I was driving out on a country road recently and saw neon/ticker tape advertisement across the front of a church). If you picture someplace like Times Square or Las Vegas you understand the neon light analogy.  At night those lights are more pronounced. 

I have been writing a book about encouraging others. The most common way to do that is with words that speak to them and lift them up. But if people are “talking without speaking, hearing without listening” the next verse says, “Fools” said I, “You do not know silence like a cancer grows, Hear my words that I might teach you, Take my arms that I might reach you … And the people bowed and prayed to the neon god they made, And the sign flashed out its warning in the words that it was forming Then the sign said the words on the prophets are written on the subway walls In tenement halls And whispered in the sound of silence.”

I think this describes so many in our country today. Whether they are trying to find solace in a bar or even at church, if no one is speaking and everyone is basically living in their own little world, the silence will only grow stronger. Loneliness is a very real thing because life lived on a superficial level does not satisfy the deep need for intimacy that our Creator placed within our very DNA. We were created in His image and likeness and for the very purpose of having that intimacy with Him and with the rest of His creation.

I love a quiet house and my quiet time with the Lord but I would be very unhealthy if I never carried on a conversation with anyone or kept all of my struggles to myself. Without the dynamic of friendship and fellowship, without the ability to have deeply intimate relationships with a few people, we will never feel totally fulfilled.

There are some people on the one hand who are so outgoing and gregarious that you would not be able to discern that they may have no relationships that have any depth to them. There are also quiet people who are deep thinkers and given the opportunity can share a lot of amazing wisdom. They may not be shy but rather waiting for the opportunity to engage in a conversation with someone that they feel like is open to share more than on a superficial level.

One thing I have noticed is that you cannot “make” those kinds of relationships happen. Even churches that have small groups, home groups, etc. do not necessarily satisfy that deep need for Koinonia that we talked about last week. Sometimes it does happen but oftentimes it does not because the people who have been put together in a group have little in common other than the hour or so they come together. They may enjoy the time together but they would never open up and share much of their personal struggles unless they felt safe in doing so.

Betrayal and not being able to hold a confidence are two reasons why most pastors and ministry leaders are the most lonely and isolated people around. They may counsel others and can keep their parishioner’s struggles confidential, but they have no one that they themselves can share their struggles with. 

All of us are on a journey toward wholeness and it is a continual process to maintain a healthy heart and mind. Having others that you can share your innermost thoughts with is one of the most blessed things I have ever experienced. Knowing that I am not being judged for those struggles but that these people genuinely care about my success is amazing and life giving.

I feel fairly certain I am the exception to the general concept that Koinonia is a rare commodity these days. I think that may have been what inspired the book I am writing. I actually have a few of these healthy, intimate groups that I fellowship with on at least a weekly basis. 

Many of us are in daily or regular contact with each other. Some of those individuals are in more than one of my very dear friendship groups. Most of the groups are drawn together by our common concern and desire to see our city (or country) come to know the Lord. We pray together regularly and that is the main focus of our gathering together. In fact, prayer is probably the one common thread throughout the groups I have Koinonia with. Intimacy with the Lord is what can open the pathway to intimacy with others who are likeminded.

There are many things that can attract our attention that have no eternal value. I call it the shiny object syndrome. 

I have been affected or infected with it from time to time and it has distracted me from what I believe I was created to do. We can withdraw into our own little virtual world now and entertain ourselves for all of our waking hours. 

The more technology increases, the more many people are escaping into rooms and spaces that are artificial perhaps because facing the hardships and uncertainties of the times we are in is overwhelming. I remember years ago meeting a young man who was living a dual life in what I would describe as metaphysical. I listened to him realizing that this other realm was more real to him than his 9-to-5 job, his family and perhaps most of his relationships. He was looking for truth and meaning to life through this other world he was spending more and more time pursuing. 

I am not familiar enough with what has been developed since that time, but even some people who are close to my age are engaging in these forms of entertainment. 

I am asking myself, is it because they have not found true friendship and fellowship, first with the Lord and then with a few others who are pursuing Him?

I am not trying to be critical of how others spend their time. That is always something I feel is between them and the Lord. I have tasted of something that is eternal and very satisfying — Koinonia with both the Lord and also others who know Him. 

Like anything else that one can get excited about and want to share with others, so, too, I want to encourage you to find your tribe, those who you can walk confidently through life with and know that you are there for each other.