Is it OK to love yourself? In our world today it seems people love themselves too much or not at all! There appears to be much confusion concerning the parameters of self-love. What does the Bible say? Is it healthy and godly to love yourself?

Let’s begin with a passage in Matthew 22:34-40 NKJV.

34 But when the Pharisees heard that He had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together. 35 Then one of them, a lawyer, asked Him a question, testing Him, and saying, 36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?”

37 Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”

No one would argue with loving the Lord with our entire being but what about that second law? The implication is our measure of loving our neighbor is gauged by our capacity to love ourselves. Chances are if you dislike yourself you will dislike the “you” in your neighbor.

I’ve always thought the following passage from Lewis Carroll’s “Alice in Wonderland” to be an astute look at self-love and its impact on relationships.

“ Do you love me? asked Alice.No, I don’t love you. said the white rabbit.Alice wrinkled her forehead and began to rub her hands nervously, like she always did when she was in pain. Can you see that? said the white rabbit. Now you’re probably wondering if it is your fault, why can’t I at least love you a little bit, what makes you so imperfect, fragmented. This is the reason why I can’t love you. Because there will be days in which I will be tired, angry, with my head in the clouds and I’ll hurt you. Every day happens to trample the feelings of the others for boredom, carelessness, misunderstanding. But if you don’t love yourself at least a little bit, if you do not create a shield of pure joy around your heart, my weak darts will be lethal, and I will destroy you. The first time that I met you, I made a pact with myself: I’d not love you until you will teach to yourself your value. So, Alice no, I don’t love you. I can’t do it.”

The phrase “until you will teach to yourself your value” is an epic statement. We all must teach ourselves, no matter how we feel about our mistakes and shortcomings, to recognize our value. If we don’t love and accept ourselves as valuable then neither will others.

Consider the following scriptures about our value in God’s sight.

“Therefore, I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?  Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?” Matthew 6:25-26 NJKV

“But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.” I Peter 2:9 NKJV

“For you are a holy people to the Lord your God; the Lord your God has chosen you to be a people for Himself, a special treasure above all the peoples on the face of the earth.” Deuteronomy 7:6

“I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.” Galatians 2:20 NJKV

All the writers and leaders in the New Testament had one thing in common. They knew they were loved by God and that Jesus had given himself to be crucified specifically for them. They had an “I’m his favorite mentality.” This mindset equipped them to love their neighbors and proclaim salvation for all mankind.

You cannot give away what you don’t have! If you don’t understand how much you are valued and loved by God, you can’t represent a loving God to your neighbor.

I’m not advocating a narcissistic mindset, but I am advocating a humble acknowledgement of your value in Christ. To think less of yourself, to depend on the praise of others for your worth is to limit your ability to love your neighbor.