I could see it coming, but I was not sure how to stop the onset of harsh, critical words. Long gone were the days of the adage, “If you can’t say anything good, don’t say anything at all.”

My family, me included, was beginning to speak negative and judgmental opinions like the rest of the world. We were becoming familiar with the idea of “unrestrained speech.” The pride found in giving unnecessary and excessive opinions was taking root at a rapid pace. After all, the talk shows encouraged us to speak our minds, no matter how hurtful those words might be. You couldn’t be an intelligent part of the 21st century global community unless you voiced your opinions! 

In my heart I remembered the words of Psalms 19:14, “Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer.”  How could I teach my family the value of restraining their words and making a quality decision concerning the opinions they expressed?  

As I prayed about the situation, I thought of an idea that would allow our family to examine where we stood. I placed a roll of quarters at each person’s seat at the table and an empty container in the middle. At the end of one month, whatever remained of the roll of quarters was a gift to each person.  

Quarters were forfeited by speaking something critical, judgmental or hurtful about someone or to someone. If you didn’t think what you said was too bad, you could ask the rest of the family and by majority vote you would keep or lose the quarter. Our children where in junior high and they were fond of quarters for cokes, vending machine goodies and video games. This became a fun game for the whole family! The competition was on!

We soon realized we had no idea what we were saying most of the time. Comments made about friends, teachers, co-workers and family members really surprised us. For the first time we were “hearing” what we were saying. We could actually feel the impact of our words. In our “change for change” game, we learned a great lesson about the power of words spoken and earned a few quarters along the way. We repeated the game every few years as a check for our verbal condition.

James 1:26 says, “If anyone among you thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart this one’s religion is useless.” The words we speak are, in a real sense, the measure of our spiritual condition. Ouch! I believe we have the potential to speak words of encouragement and hope to those around us instead of criticism and judgment. New York Times best-selling author John Maxwell in his book, “25 Ways to Win with People,” writes about the “30-Second Rule.” Within the first 30 seconds of a conversation, say something encouraging to that person. Imagine the rewards of applying the “30-second rule” to your children. They will be motivated and energized by your support. By your example, you will be teaching them how to speak to others in a kind way.  Consider the favor your children will have in school and the community if they are consistently taught a lifestyle of using encouraging and respectful words. 

God created us with the wonderful opportunity to change at any point in time, with a simple decision and a creative course of action. We can’t do anything about the words that were spoken yesterday. But we can begin to change the words we are saying today. You and your children deserve it. Go ahead, get those quarters out and let the change begin!