VALDOSTA – Death. 

Talking about it can be uncomfortable. 

For some families, the topic is taboo.

While planning for your funeral may seem morbid, more people see it as a way to find their own peace of mind, and someday make the loss a little easier for their families. 

Some begin planning ahead when they face an illness expected to be fatal. For others, the death of a close friend or relative or a terrorist attack somewhere in the world can be the thing that leads them to consider their mortality, how they would like to be remembered and what arrangements need to be made. 

People who plan ahead make it much easier for survivors, said Peggi Shipman, a marketing representative for Cincinnati Equitable Life Insurance Company, based in Valdosta, whose products include insurance to cover final expenses.

“A funeral is a huge (event), and sometimes you have less than 48 hours to plan and it’s the worst time in people’s lives,” she said.

Across the SunLight Project coverage area – Valdosta, Moultrie, Thomasville, Milledgeville and Dalton, Ga., along with Live Oak, Jasper and Mayo, Fla. – there are a wide variety of businesses available to help people prepare for their or a loved one’s death.

Funeral directors across the region agree that planning ahead can save money, time and heartache. Although, most people struggle to accept the fact they will one day die, let alone talk about the terms and agreements on what to do after they die.

The inability to face the inevitability of death can make a tense situation even worse.

Death means different things to different people but whether preplanned or handled by family after death occurs, it is — among other things —  a business transaction. 

Funerals are not cheap. 

Coffins can cost anywhere from $500 to more than $5,000. That cost doesn’t include a vault, which is a bit like a coffin for the coffin. Some cemeteries require vaults. And vaults can cost an additional $1,000 or more.

Funeral homes offer several services, such as embalming, body preparations, transferring the deceased and many options that can bump up the price.

Like anything else, people plan for a funeral in their own way.

Some enter a funeral home knowing exactly what they want, while others must wade through the numerous choices. 

“If I meet with a couple, I like to commend them for coming in,” Shipman said. “It might take them six months. There’s not a funeral home I wouldn’t recommend. They’re going to sit down and talk with you and help you in what you need.”

For some, the process begins with just dropping by to chat, said Gayla Cobb of Cobb Funeral Chapel in Moultrie.

Having been in the business for a longtime, there are few people in the community she and her husband, Bobby, don’t know. Sometimes, it may take a few visits for someone to feel comfortable talking about their own death or the death of a loved one, long before it happens. 

During the process biographical information is taken, Cobb said. The person can make anything from a broad outline of what is desired to a plan that is complete in every detail.

Throughout the process she takes notes that are kept in fireproof storage, she said.

“We just walk through it step by step,” Cobb said. “We listen so we know what people want. We advise people about what’s available, then let them make their decisions.”

Cobb also advises people to have a will and durable power of attorney to ensure other legal details are covered.

Deciding the details down to music, pallbearers, minister and final outfit can give peace of mind to the person planning for the inevitable, as well as remove his or her survivors from the trauma of having to make all those decisions in a couple of days following death. 

“A funeral isn’t a day in the life, it’s a lifetime in a day,” Shipman said.

Payment Plans

Once plans are made, the next question is how to pay.

AARP estimates the average burial and services cost about $8,500, Shipman said.

Casey Music, director of Music Funeral Services in Valdosta, said the numbers can be deceiving.

“If you read the fine print, it says this does not include cash advance items and the out-of-burial container,” Music said. “Well, when you add those two things in there, you’re at 10 to $11,000. They lead you to believe it’s $7,000. Some funeral homes leave out digging and filling the grave, because they don’t do that. The family will still have to pay for it, though.”

Unless a family decides to cremate to save money.

A cremation-only package at Cobb Funeral Chapel includes an urn and is about $2,400, Cobb said, while a cremation with visitation and a funeral service can cost about $3,500 or $4,000.

At Music Funeral Services, the least expensive cremation option available can cost a family about $1,500.

“This is our inexpensive web-based service, which gets rid of everything our family is known for,” Music said. “There’s no personable service. We take the body and cremate. For our other services, we roll out the red carpet, where everything we have is at your service.”

Family preference and the family’s means often determine the size of a funeral. 

The largest funeral Music has organized was for a former Georgia state representative. Music said thousands of people attended his funeral, including high-level state officials. 

He said funerals are about logistics, and when that many people gather together, the problems stack up quickly.

“Logistically, you have to have one person in charge and that person has to be the funeral director,” Music said. “More people means we have to have more staff on hand, and we have to have people where we want them.”

With so many people in attendance, the focus can drift away from the deceased. Music said a key part of the job is keeping the focus on the loved one and having the ceremony remain a reflection of the person’s life.

“What did they love? What were they passionate about?” Music said. “We’ve parked race cars in the front yard. We’ve put motorcycles in our chapel, decorated entire rooms with deer heads, fishing poles, guns. So, when people walk in, they know immediately who this person was.”

He said it can be the little thing that friends and family say goodbye to loved ones. 

Taking the Time

Music offers packages with no additional services provided, but he said it makes him sad when people don’t take the time to offer proper respects.

People are too busy, he said.

“We can’t pause our lives to pay tribute to someone that has been a part of us,” Music said. “I think it’s important to show the community and our family how important a person was to us. That we cared about that person. That they meant something to us.”

Music said he recognizes that not everyone can pay for all the pomp and circumstance of a state representative, but when people don’t properly prepare for their funeral service, they are limited in what they and their family can do to remember a loved one. 

He advised everyone, no matter age or financial circumstance, to at least discuss the possibilities with family members. He said funeral homes are happy to sit down and talk about available options.

“You’re not doing it for you,” he said. “Your family deserves a proper way of saying goodbye. It helps with the grieving process.”

How to Pay for Goodbye

Dan Peeples, vice president of Julian Peeples Funeral Homes in Dalton, said it is becoming more common for people to plan ahead and pay in advance for their own funerals.

It’s usually after they have had a death in the family, he said. At those times, they see the emotions involved, maybe how exhausted they were after visiting the hospital for several days prior to the death and think about how difficult it can be to make important decisions during a time of loss. 

“Then they come to the funeral home, and the average packet that my dad and I have the families fill out, there’s about 75 questions,” Peeples said. “After they have been through that, they say ‘I ought to go ahead and do this because I don’t want it to be so hard on my kids or my spouse.’ We do it all the time. It’s a smart thing to do.”

He said they work to help come up with a payment method when a family signs the funeral contract.

“Cash, check, credit card. We’ll take an assignment on the life insurance,” Peeples said. “That’s a letter the family sends to the insurance company telling it to send us a certain amount of money and to send the beneficiaries the rest. It can be tricky when none of those four things is an option, and the family says they would like to make payments.”

“We always ask ‘How would you like to take care of this today?'” Julian Peeples said.

“We ask the family ‘How much do you think you can come up with in the next couple of days?'” said Dan Peeples. “When they give you an amount, we might discount a few things, give a few things for free. But we try to provide a service for that amount. That may mean just meeting us at the cemetery for a graveside service only, something like that.”

Julian Peeples said the price of a funeral doubles about every 20 years. He said it’s largely due to the rising costs of caskets and vaults.

“It seems like we get a letter every year, usually about January (from manufacturers) saying that their prices are going up because the price of metal keeps going up,” Dan Peeples said. “The family usually pays the people who dig the graves directly. But if we are going to take an assignment on life insurance, if the family is short of cash, we will pay that and put it on the funeral bill and the insurance company will reimburse us.”

Grave Concerns

On a recent hot and humid morning in Thomasville, Victor Christian and his uncle, Walter Christian, were digging a grave at Laurel Hill Cemetery.

Victor Christian, owner of L&V Vault Company, said his Dixie-based business digs 300-350 graves annually in South Georgia and North Florida.

“We’re getting to almost one a day,” said Victor Christian, who was Thomas County Central High School’s quarterback in 2000 and 2001.

He said he bills funeral homes at a wholesale price, charging up to $700 per grave.

Christian said he doesn’t find his work depressing.

“You get a good feeling knowing you’re giving someone’s loved one a proper burial,” he said.

Laurel Hill Cemetery is a City of Thomasville property. A lot with four graves costs $800, and a single grave spot is $250.

Too much family, not enough

Dan Peeples said the funeral business is an interesting job.

“Obviously, people are very emotional,” he said. “You add to that family members are getting together who maybe haven’t seen each other in a long time or who don’t get along.”

He said it isn’t uncommon for people to tell him there are certain family members they don’t want to be there. He said he has seen fights when some family members get together.

“That’s always tough,” he said.

Then there are situations when the deceased doesn’t have family. 

Peeples said the Whitfield County government reimburses them about $450 for indigent burials, which will buy the minimum casket. Everything else, the funeral home does for free, he said.

“That includes removing the body, which could be as far away as hospitals in Chattanooga and Atlanta, bringing the body back and dressing it, then meeting the family, if there is any, at the cemetery for a graveside service,” he said.

Don Shiver, Thomas County coroner and owner of Whiddon-Shiver Funeral Home in Thomasville, said since assuming coroner duties about a year and a half ago, he has handled one unclaimed body.

The man died at Archbold Memorial Hospital in Thomasville.

“He had no family, no connections,” Shiver said.

The body was cremated. County government paid the cremation bill. The remains are kept at the coroner’s office.

At his funeral home, cremations begin at $1,800 and go as high as $7,000.

Recently, Shiver said, families have requested traditional funerals, but instead of burying the deceased, the body is cremated.

Claustrophobia is why a lot of people choose cremation, Shiver said. Flexibility is another reason: A body can be cremated today, and the funeral can be conducted weeks later.

The cost of a traditional funeral at Whiddon-Shiver averages $8,500.

The funeral home offers pre-arranged funerals, memorial videos and live-streamed services. Shiver said a number of people pay ahead for funerals. The business employs someone whose duty is handling pre-arranged funerals.

Whiddon-Shiver offers burial insurance. Otherwise, the family must bear the costs. 

Shiver said when he bought the funeral home 23 years ago, the average cost of a traditional funeral was about $5,000.

Funeral homes pay grave diggers and are reimbursed by families.

“I’ve had people who want their legs crossed,” Shiver said, in reference to unusual requests.

He has buried people with their favorite beverage, guitars, fishing poles, photos and cremated animals, but never with an animal corpse.

This is part one of a two-part series. The second part will be published Tuesday, June 5.

The SunLight Project team of journalists contributing to this report includes Alan Mauldin, Thomas Lynn, Will Woolever, Charles Oliver, Patti Dozier and Jessie Box. The SunLight project is overseen and edited by Dean Poling and Jim Zachary. To contact the team, email sunlightproject@gaflnews.com.

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PART II

This is the second part of a two-part series looking at funeral expenses across the SunLight Project coverage area.

VALDOSTA – Funerals are about relationships.

That’s why funeral directors say nice buildings, polished cars, men in dark suits and all the other surroundings are important.  

These traditions and ornamentations exist because losing a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences of a person’s life.

J. Britt McLane, funeral director of Carson McLane Funeral Home, explained why those things matter. 

“Things that are difficult, or even debilitating, to individuals, when you wrap those transitions in ceremony and allow others inside to support you, then that helps them get through that time,” McLane said. “We’re social creatures. Having that support lets us know we’re not alone and helps us move on.”

McLane has been in the funeral business since he was a kid cutting weeds at the his family’s funeral home on Patterson Street. He has been the funeral director for 25 years. In that time, he has learned the body of a loved one is precious and priceless.

Several years ago, McLane recalled, there were some friends who were lost at sea.

“A storm occurred. They were lost and never found,” he said. “Now, that is a heartbreaking situation on many levels, but the thing that is true is that if any of their loved ones could have paid money to get those bodies back, they would have. The loss of those bodies was devastating.”

McLane said funeral homes realize the importance of seeing a loved one’s body, bringing closure. That closure, like everything else in life and death, comes with a price tag.

The SunLight Project team, which covers Valdosta, Moultrie, Thomasville, Milledgeville and Dalton, Ga., along with Live Oak, Jasper and Mayo, Fla., looked into the costs associated with mourning loved ones. Across the coverage area, there are funeral homes that provide top of the line funeral coverage to those that accommodate more frugal memorials. 

Funeral homes are in the business of helping people say their final farewells to loved ones. Charging for the services can seem callous to some, but McLane made it clear he finds a way to work with everyone who comes through the doors.

“We work with every family to try to get the services affordable for them and that meet their needs,” he said. “Those are two separate but related issues.”

One of the issues with funerals is people don’t decide when to have them.

If someone wants to buy a car, they can save up their money for a few years and decide when the best time to pay for one is. A funeral can and does happen when people least expect it, McLane said.

“Funerals come when they come. They come when someone dies, and we don’t have control over that,” he said. “Funerals, like everything else, cost money. And there can be a big disconnect between what a person may need, as far as closure, and what they can afford.”

McLane said the best way to avoid these situations is for families to discuss ahead of time what they want before a loved one dies.

Deciding what the family wants

Daniels Funeral Homes & Crematory has served the Live Oak and Branford area since 1961. They offer numerous options for burial and cremation. 

Jordan Daniels said as a funeral director, he helps families decide what they want. He said everyone grieves differently.

“We want to make sure everyone has the chance to grieve in the way they need to,” Daniels said.

Families can plan ahead for their funeral. They can decide what they want for their funeral. It will then be filed with Daniels Funeral Home until needed.

While people can also pre-pay for the funeral, it is not necessary to plan ahead. Daniels said with a pre-planned funeral, there is a burden lifted from the family. 

“It is a hard time and the easier it can be, the better,” Daniels said.

There are various options available for people to lessen the cost of putting someone to rest. Basic services of funeral director and staff are about $2,310. Coffins can run anywhere from $500 to $5,000 with cremation being the absolute cheapest option.

Embalming will cost $750, but families have the option of not embalming. The choosing not to embalm may prevent viewing the body.

The list of options is long and is why families should have discussions before it is too late, he said. Trying to guess what a family member may have wanted for a funeral can add to tensions at an already difficult time.

It could also be the reason many people opt for the cheapest and quickest options, and why there are a wide variety of funeral homes offering cheaper options.

Providing more options

After 20 years in the funeral service business, Donald Butts knows the ins and outs of the industry better than most.

While watching the cost of funerals steadily rise, Butts said charges can be high even for a simple wooden casket.

In his time working for funeral homes around Middle Georgia, where he served in a variety of different roles, Butts helped families shoulder the multi-thousand dollar burdens of properly laying their loved ones to rest.

“In my experience in funeral homes, the family does come out with a burden on them in terms of caskets,” Butts said. “Some go over their (financial) limits to make sure their loved one is put away because they feel like they have no other choice.”

Earlier in the year, Butts and his three adult children opened LSC Caskets, a purveyor of caskets, urns and floral arrangements, in Milledgeville.

LSC thrives on serving people looking to cut costs of interment, Butts said.

“In order to maintain a business and ensure that you’re able to make ends meet, sometimes you have to raise your prices,” said Laticia Butts, Donald Butts’ daughter and LSC co-owner. “Funeral service is not a set price for them, and funeral homes have flexibility in setting that price. … If I go out and purchase new limos, I have to purchase those items, and given the current economy, homes have been raising their prices in order to stay in business.”

Between embalming and digging graves for bodies, hosting visitation services for loved ones, and catering to requests from the deceased’s family, funeral homes offer a variety of services that can drive up the price of the funeral process.

Currently, an average funeral in Middle Georgia might cost about $8,000-$10,000, not including things such as catered meals, music and floral arrangements.

Donald Butts estimates the figure to be thousands of dollars greater than it was 25 years ago and said some homes refer families to collection agencies for unpaid bills.

The Butts said they have seen an increase in both planning funerals in advance and choosing cremation, less than half the price of a traditional funeral in many cases, versus physical interment.

Because funeral homes can’t legally refuse to bury a casket that has been provided by the family, LSC has a market for people looking to save money on funerals.

“We sell our most basic caskets for roughly $800 and they range all the way up to eight or $10,000,” Donald Butts said.

“At funeral homes, their basic caskets usually start at a little under $2,000,” Laticia Butts said. “Our prices are much more affordable, and we try not to go above eight or $900 to keep families from having to spend all that money on a casket.”

But those options aren’t for everyone. 

For many, having one funeral home provide complete services, taking care of all the arrangements, is exactly what they need at that point in their lives when grieving over the loss of a loved one. 

In Tifton, William Bowen is a fourth-generation owner of Bowen-Donaldson Home for Funerals.

He and his family have been providing services for the Tift County area for decades, and he has seen how the industry has changed.

“This industry does not change dramatically,” he said. “For the most part, it’s the same thing, the same service for families that we provided for their parents and their grandparents.”

There has been a change in technology, such as funeral homes having more of an online presence and using memorial slide shows or video presentation during services.

Brenda Shaw-Saunders, office manager and Suzanne Myers, aftercare coordinator, said there are new and different ways to remember and honor loved ones who have passed.

Shaw-Sanders pointed out thumbprint jewelry, which she said is a recent addition, and Myers talked about making clothing belonging to a deceased loved one into pillows and stuffed animals as another service offered.

They have also noticed a difference in the music choices.

“It used to be traditional music,” Shaw-Sanders said. “Now they will request music that the person liked, (and) play CDs.”

The SunLight Project team of journalists contributing to this report includes Alan Mauldin, Thomas Lynn, Will Woolever, Charles Oliver, Patti Dozier and Jessie Box. The SunLight project is overseen and edited by Dean Poling and Jim Zachary. To contact the team, email sunlightproject@gaflnews.com.

Thomas Lynn is a government and education reporter for The Valdosta Daily Times. He can be reached at (229)244-3400 ext. 1256