It’s said that we spend one third of our lives sleeping. Now that’s a mathematical projection based on the suggested eight hours of sleep per day. And it can vary, depending on the number of State of the Union Addresses one attempts to watch over his lifetime.

So I got to wondering today, just how much time out of our lives do we account for listening to or uttering rhetorical statements. This is time that we can’t get back —time that otherwise could be spent boiling peanuts or tuning  guitars.

In the newspaper business we hear a lot of rhetoric. A rhetorical question is basically one that is so benign that it doesn’t require an answer. It may be one that doesn’t even have an answer — like how long is a piece of string? Cotton or nylon?

I think one of the funniest rhetorical utterances I’ve heard lately is: “When I asked what else can go wrong today, I meant it rhetorically, not as a challenge.”

 I once heard a reporter ask a candidate, “Do you honestly think you can win this race?”

The candidate stared at him for just a moment as if he had his doubts and was about to express them. He reminded me of a friend who went to Nashville to become a country music star but discovered that he was “too well unknown.” In my mind, the question in this instance  probably was more legitimate than rhetorical.

I think we often make rhetorical statements and ask rhetorical questions without giving them much thought. It’s like we have a lot of them in storage deep inside us, and like having eaten some bad oysters, they are going to come up at some point.

My favorite rhetorical questions fall into what I would call the silly rhetorical category. These are the kind of questions that might come up at the bar just before closing time … you know, that time when you could look at Phyllis Diller and see Dolly Parton.

For instance, how do you get off a nonstop flight?

And what does Superman do to speed up or slow down?

I’ve actually heard that one discussed. Not at a bar just before closing time though. So does Superman just think faster or, like someone playing air guitar, does he shift gears and stomp the gas?

I once got chastised by an usher because I was standing in front of an “emergency exit” at the Grand Ole Opry .

“You can’t block the emergency exit!” the young man said rather officially. 

The fact is if there was an emergency, I would not be standing there. It’s only an emergency exit if there’s an emergency. Otherwise, it’s just a door. It’s like vegan chicken and rice. It’s just rice.

Also, I once asked a real estate agent how deep into the earth did my property extend. He had that deer-in- the-headlight look for a few seconds. 

So I Googled some rhetorical questions. Here is a sampling of my favorites:

• Why are elderly people called old people, but babies are never called new people?

• Why does no one ever ask, “who left the dark on?”

• Do hummingbirds hum because they don’t know the words?

• How can you tell when it’s time to tune your bagpipes.

• How do you know if honesty is the best policy if you haven’t tried the others?

• Is there such a thing as a nude accordion player?

On that note, I once was told that a gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but won’t.

And I will close on this one that came to me while watching television recently: Is there ever a time when mattresses are not on sale?

Email: dwain.walden@gaflnews.com