MOULTRIE, Ga. –

Some time ago a long-retired school teacher got on my case because I sometimes begin a sentence with “And.” As well, I’ve been known to end a sentence with a preposition.

She said I should know the rules. I told her that not all rules are good rules, and some are just downright silly.

She asked for examples.

So I asked her why “backyard” is  presented as one word and “front yard” as two. There was some silence.

I further noted that the only difference between the backyard and the front yard is where the house is sitting. And there’s probably more junk in the backyard.

While probing this inconsistency, I noted that front porch and back porch are two words each. If backyard is one word, then why wouldn’t back porch be one word?

I also have been chastised a couple of times for not capitalizing “internet.”

My reasoning is that there is no logic for it. I don’t know who decided it should be capitalized. I’m pretty sure the Knights Templar had no hand in it. I also doubt that they hid the Ark of the Covenant as reality television suggests.

The internet is a communications systems. So is the telephone, telegraph and barber shop. Not one of these words is capitalized. We don’t even capitalize “pope” unless it’s in front of his name. Nor do we capitalize president unless it’s in proper title form as in President Franklin D. Roosevelt. And if it were left up to me, I would lower case president in that reference for at least a year and let him earn a capital letter. It’s as though someone tried to make internet The Vatican of cyber world.

Now I know we have to have some rules in writing … those that make good sense and help convey thought. It’s good not to dangle participles or mix metaphors. One shouldn’t write, “He saddled his horse and sailed into the sunset.” The exception would be Lyle Lovett who sang, “If I had a pony, I’d ride him on my boat.”

I often get comments emailed to me with every other word spelled in all capital letters for no apparent reason and a half dozen exclamation points in the middle of sentences. They must have gone skinny dipping the day punctuation was taught. I just hope they didn’t dangle their participles.

Then we are bombarded with texting abbreviations. I simply don’t know what many of them mean. I guess I’m not “hip” to them. The irony is that one would have to study that lingo to have a working knowledge of this writing style (or lack thereof). A little more study and one might be able to actually type the words intended. The other day I got a text message that resembled alphabet soup. I deleted it. Life is too short for that.

Now back to backyard and front yard. I don’t know which is more reverent, giving something two words or one word. I would think two words shows more respect if there is such an analysis. And I would give backyard the greater honor. That’s where my boat is parked. That’s where my workshop is located. That’s where my back porch is attached … a place that is my outside den where I sit in my rocking chair on a cool evening and listen to Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band. The only reason I have a front yard is to put space between my house and the street.

Now back to ending a sentence with a preposition. Did you hear about the prisoner who ended his sentence with a proposition?

(Email: dwain.walden@gaflnews.com)